Back in the Dating Saddle?

Ok....so.... I hate to admit it. I hate admitting to myself that I feel lonely. 

I feel like I shouldn't because my life is very full. My life is good - that does not mean stress or complication free by the way. I'm content in myself and I'm dealing with my issues. My job is actually a career and it's on the way up! I'm about to be successful - something I never thought was within my reach. I have SO MUCH to celebrate and shout about. There's no "but" or "if". My life isn't perfect but it's f*cking good. Money is tight, but I have enough. My car isn't new, but it's an upgrade from the last one and it has petrol in. My belly is full as is my kid's as is her cat's. I've been able to start Christmas shopping which is a massive blessing. I am extremely grateful. 

I'm only missing someone to share it all with. 

The little stuff. I miss the intimacy - not just the sex & physical contact - but that emotional intimacy. It's simply different to the relationships with good friends. If you're in a healthy relationship I reckon your partner should be your best friend, or one of them. That was lacking in my marriage. I loved my ex husband, but there wasn't the depth of unconditional love and understanding that I have with my very best friend. 

My story isn't unique. People all around me are suffering horrendous marriage breakdowns and traumatic divorces. The people we once loved become our greatest enemies. It's shit. 

But, the silver lining? I get a mulligan. A do-over. New beginning. Whatever you want to call it. I get another chance at love! 

This season of my life has been all about new beginnings. New lessons. New opportunities. It's funny that my new beginnings are happening in Autumn. The season we mainly associate with death and endings. It's actually about balance. On the Autumn equinox the day light and the dark night are in an equal balance. Cool huh? 

Remember that Semisonic lyric? "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end" 

GET TO THE POINT, FELICIA! GEEZ! 

I've kind of got a "date" (It fills me with dread to even put that out there). 

I'm meeting up with a lovely guy I met on one of those god awful dating apps. He has his little girls every weekend, the only time we're both not working and child free is Saturday, in the day. This makes it a challenge to find time. He's busy. I'm busy. But it's important to make time. Is there potential here? Maybe, I think so, but I don't know. I've been wrong lots of times before. I've been hurt and let down and disappointed. I'm being cautious which is wise right? I can usually tell if there's a connection. There seems to be. BUT I'VE BEEN WRONG, A LOT. I've been a lot of awks first dates. 

Here's what I know to be true, regardless of my crappy experiences. 

I'm a catch! I'm funny, smart, I have a lot of love to give. I'm a great cook. I'm hard working. Thoughtful. Fun. And I'm told I kiss by the book...that's a bonus right? 

More importantly -

 I AM WORTHY OF LOVE. 

I AM WORTHY OF HAPPINESS. 

I AM WORTHY OF SUCCESS.

I AM WORTHY OF ALL THE GOOD THINGS. 

I was not designed to be alone.
I was not designed to lonely. 

It's ok to be lonely, it means I'm human. It does not mean I'm desperate or that I'll settle for the first man who shows interest in me. Because the truth is in this age of digital dating and selfies and angles I get plenty of attention, not usually the kind I want, so I've learned the difference between sincere interest and someone looking to take advantage or play a game. Doesn't work on me anymore dudes. 

I am worthy of waiting until I receive that which I deserve. I'm not in a hurry to "cure" this heart's longing. I will walk into the country pub, looking and feeling like a million bucks with the knowledge that I don't NEED this man. If he makes me laugh and I feel at ease with him and he is attentive then maybe, just maybe,  we can spend more time together and see if we'd like to spend even more time together. At our own pace. In our own time. 

I've taken a risk and put this out there. It's a challenge to myself. 

Now I've got a few weeks to find something to wear, gotta be lookin like a snack! 😆😆😆